THIS IS MY JOURNEY
AND WHY I HOLD SPACE FOR OTHERS IN THEIRS.
On March 25, 2009 at the family dinner table with my husband and three young children, I fell into my plate of food. When I came to, I told my husband we needed to go to the hospital – I thought I was having a stroke. After four days in the hospital, including one in the Intensive Care Unit, I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder. The Cleveland Clinic describes Conversion Disorder as “a condition where a mental health issue disrupts how your brain works. This causes real, physical symptoms that a person can’t control. Symptoms can include seizures, weakness or paralysis, or reduced input from one or more senses (sight, sound, etc). This condition is often treatable through various types of therapy.”
My primary symptom was episodic paralysis. It was the most bizarre experience. Thankfully, I had already been working with a psychotherapist who specializes in trauma treatment (although when I started working with her, I didn’t know that and certainly didn’t know I would one day need treatment for trauma). I was unbelievably fortunate to be under the care and guidance of someone who understood my diagnosis and was confident in a treatment approach.
It took almost two years for me to stabilize. In those two years, I was fully committed to healing on every level – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. I relied on tools that had been helpful to me in the past – weekly therapy, medication, exercise, journaling, and prayer.
I also learned about new modalities that became significant to my healing, primarily EMDR therapy, Healing Touch and massage. I began to understand that healing happens in layers and that I must be gentle and patient with myself as each new layer reveals itself. I learned on a visceral level what it means to surrender and trust the process.
In 2012 I decided I wanted to use what I learned and experienced to help others. I enrolled in SHI Medical Massage School and graduated in 2014. During that same period of time, my son, Joe, began his very long struggle with mental health issues. It started with an eating disorder, then escalated to self-harm, flashbacks, and nightmares.
My understanding of trauma, the brain, the nervous system, and mental health treatment, reached a whole new level as my family and I navigated Joe’s severe symptoms and treatment. Joe eventually felt safe enough to disclose that he had been repeatedly and violently sexually abused by two close family members. In the midst of Joe’s journey, my own memories of sexual abuse as a young child came to my conscious awareness. I had repressed those memories for over 40 years.
Tragically, Joe’s experience ended much differently than mine. On September 14, 2020, Joe died by suicide. My life is forever changed. But I have found hope and healing in sharing what I have learned about trauma’s effects on the brain and nervous system with others.
My intention for my practice is to offer tools that have been helpful to me. And to do so in a mindful, compassionate, patient, trauma-informed manner.
In addition to SHI Medical Massage School, I have completed trainings with the Upledger Institute International, Yoga Renew, Healing Touch Program, and The Embody Lab.
If my story resonates with you and you want to explore these tools for your own healing, I’d love to connect.
Healing begins with connection.
Let’s start with a conversation.
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